marriage, Uncategorized

Comparison is the Thief of Joy

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This is a photo from our engagement shoot. A few hours before this photo we had a horrible fight over how the photos should go. A ridiculous thing to fight about, because we are not the photographer. We just show up and do what the photographer tells us to do. That is why we are paying for a professional.

But the point is, all I posted on Facebook and Instagram are our gorgeous engagement photos, not the story behind them. Which is fine. As long as you take them at face value and realize 90% of the time our lives are not “Facebook” worthy.

Facebook has brought another dimension into our lives and relationships. It allows us to compare our life experiences and milestones to our peers with one scroll down our feed.

My husband proposed on a Sunday night at ten pm after we had an argument. There was no photographer staged for the perfect proposal photo. There was no champagne toast. Did that make it any less genuine? Absolutely not. At that moment my husband proposed straight from his heart. It was awkward and tear filled and wonderful. I wouldn’t want it any other way. But if you look on Facebook and see the perfectly planned proposals with elaborate trips or hidden family and friends to capture the moment, it would be easy discount my engagement proposal as unoriginal and unromantic. Instead, I look at how hard it was for my husband to get down on one knee during the heat of an argument because he wanted to make sure I knew how much I meant to him.

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Our first trip as an engaged couple.

Facebook and social media distract us from living in the moment and being grateful for what is in front of us.

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Two years into marriage and I am starting to realize that all that matters is waking up next to my husband every morning and going to bed next to him every night.

He isn’t the romantic type. And might not ever be. I can look on Facebook and see my friend whose husband sent her two dozen roses and be jealous, or I can enjoy our anniversary dinner of chick-fil-a at the kitchen table and a rare evening of him home early form work.

I don’t cook my husband a home cooked meal everyday. Our house isn’t spotless.  He could care less as long as I greet him every night when he gets home from work.

We don’t have kids and aren’t pregnant.  According to Facebook and our friends we are the minority. But we are enjoying this stage of our marriage and aren’t ready for that next step. That doesn’t make us right or wrong. But the first year of our marriage I badgered my husband for an answer on when we were going to start a family because I was trying to check off the next item and I didn’t want to get left behind from my peers. I wasted almost a year obsessing over that, instead of enjoying being husband and wife and getting to know each other.  Now I realize that I am only going to be happy if I focus on what is best for me and my marriage, and stop focusing on what I think I should be doing.

I love Facebook and social media to keep up with my family and friends and to look at hilarious memes. But I don’t obsessively scroll my newsfeed. I don’t search out old friends to see where they are at in their lives. I don’t post the hard moments in my days or marriage because I don’t want to be that dramatic person on Facebook, but I do want to keep it real. For every funny or picture perfect moment on social media, there is always more to the picture then it seems.

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The reality for most of us is that life looks like this 90% of the time and that is ok.

 

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